First Time is a Charm

So here I am... I did it. I finally broke down and started a blog. It's something I've been meaning to do for quite some time. Now seemed as good a time as any. I have decided to create this blog as a means for posting Braden's progress and developmental milestones, as well as give me a place to come to where I can vent all my frustrations and worries.

Living so far away from family, with - let's face it - zero good friends on the islandof Oahu makes for a lonely and trying time. Don't get me wrong, I love having my husband home with me every night and I absolutely love that, being on shore duty, he no longer has to go out to sea for months at a time. However, it's just not the same as when we lived in Washington and I had girlfriends to go and do things with. I also had a job that I loved and was exceptionally good at. My current job as a Stay-At-Home-Mom IS something that I love, although I can't help but feel like it's not something I'm good at.

My husband and I are the very proud parents of a 30 weeker baby. Our son, Braden was born on December 13, 2008 at 2 pounds 11 ounces and was only 15 inches long. He had a very rough start to this life, with a 2 month stay in the NICU - undergoing: jaundice light therapy, bradycardia, apnea, acid reflux treatments , blood transfusions, anemia treatments, and a milk intolerance. I count my lucky stars that things didn't progress to the point of needing surgeries. However, his rough start has lead us down an even rockier road. Currently, he's 4 months and 2 weeks old. However, when referring to premature infants, doctors will typically judge developmental milestones, gross motor skills, and weight gain based on a preemie's "corrected gestational age" - or the age at which a preemie should be assuming he/she was born on his/her initial due date. Braden's corrected gestational age is only 2 1/2 months. Because of this, he only weighs what a 2 1/2 month old weighs and his skills are only at a 2 1/2 month old's level as well.

The thing about parenting that NOBODY ever tells you is that it's H-A-R-D!! And I'm not trying to brag, or toot my own horn here, but I honestly think that parenting a preemie baby is about a million times harder! It's so difficult to try and figure out what's "normal". Even my pediatrician admitted to me how difficult it is to try and diagnose issues with a premature baby. They don't develop at the same rate and they often don't react the same way that other full term babies do.

Of course, my personality is such that I have a hard time dealing with major stress. I've never been the type of person to just let things roll of my back. I'm a "worrier"! I always have been and I always will be! Now, combine that with first-time parenthood and you've got disaster written all over it. Add to that a premature baby and, well, then you've got ME - frazzled, stressed, worried sick, and freaking out over "every little thing". But to me, nothing seems like a "little thing" when it comes to the health and well-being of my son. Right now, I'm trying to just take things a day at a time and go with the flow the best that I can! What else is there to do?!